Day 10: Steps – Step One

Album cover courtesy of Jive

Each day, I fear I’ll get a knock on the door. I open, it’s immigration enforcement, maybe the police. They’ve come to take me away. My right to reside in the United Kingdom has been rescinded, I have been caught: someone found out that I know nothing about the musical output of Steps.

Steps is one of those UK groups that was big here but wasn’t big enough to break the Nordics in the same way that groups like Spice Girls, Five and S Club 7 did, or at least they just didn’t reach my household. I’m a Steps ignoramus. The only things I know about Steps is that they had a notorious gig here in Glasgow that spread a new variant of covid, and that there’s a very pleasant man called H from Steps who is frequently on TV. One negative thing, one positive thing, so they cancel out – my starting position on Steps is neutral.

I settled on the album Step One, their debut album which seemed to have the hits. My first thought listening to the opening song “Last Thing on My Mind” is that this is ABBA for British children. From the next song after that, I realise that I have actually heard their biggest hit “5, 6, 7, 8” before. It’s catchy. I’m sure there’s some sort of dance to it, but I will never be assimilated enough to learn it.

I didn’t particularly feel a need to immerse myself in the music, so I had it on in the background while I did the dishes. It was fine for that purpose, I was bobbing my head. It’s classic 90s disco-tinged bubblegum pop that I’m probably 20 years too old to enjoy. Not much about it was that remarkable, save for “Experienced”, a slightly puzzling song about losing your virginity to an older woman, with lyrics like “She did the teachin' / And I was so willin' / Sharin' the feelings of love that way” You know what, sure. Whatever. 

Nothing about this makes me want to wax poetic. It’s fine. I bet it’d bang if I was a 12-year-old and this was the 90s, or maybe at a tribute show in Benidorm. 3.5/10. Some things just aren’t meant for me.